I Dream of You
by KayEsse
Summary: Everything is possible on the Shore Leave planet. Will Jim tell Spock how he truly feels? Will Spock, do the same?
1. Chapter 1

"No Mr. Spock you stay, I'll go back to the ship... on second thought I'll stay for a little while." James Kirk dirty and exhaused but with a feeling of regained energy walked past the few of his crew and followed his love Ruth to wherever she was going to take them. Only one individual stared longer than the others.

Spock watched as his captain walked directly to the young woman from his past. A past he new nothing about. He wanted so much to prevent him from leaving thinking perhaps they could spend time together exploring, even though he had convinced himself running up and down on green grass was illogical.

Dr. McCoy seeing Spock looking at Jim's direction came next to him alone while yeoman Barrows spoke to her friend who had been fired upon only moments ago.

"Well, I am so glad that Jim gets a chance to relax, and in good company." said the doctor staring at the alien next to him.

"Hmmm. She is not real doctor. Only a facsimile, like the one who attacked you, and Finnegan."

"I know that Spock, but sometimes having someone you can talk to, especially when they are not real makes you feel more comfortable. You can say what is on your mind, without fear from the original. I suppose in a way Jim is having a good heart to heart with himself, because he created her from his own thoughts from what he remembered.'

"I suppose there is merit to your story."

"Nice to know we agree on something for a change. So, Spock are you beaming up soon?"

"Yes, in a moment. I need more information about the culture, the caretaker of this place."

"Well, I for one am gonna have a good time. Coming Tonia?" said the doctor pouring his southern charm in his question.

"Thought you'd never ask."

They left together and everyone went on to celebrate in their own fashion.

Spock stood there alone, even the caretaker had left. Spock had seen enough and decided it was time to leave. But deep down did he really want to.

"Spock to Enterprise, come in please."

Jim walked hand in hand with Ruth. Feeling very dirty he had wished for a change of clothes and to clean up a bit which in turn was heard and the wish was granted. With a new uniform, and a place to freshen up he felt new again.

They continued to walk and ended up the same place where they had first met. Where he held that yellow rose and thought of the past.

"They really think of everything don't they?"

"It's you, Jim darling, who is thinking of such things." said Ruth staring at her once lover.

"I suppose that is true."

"You have questions don't you?"

"I wouldn't be who I am if I didn't. How can you be here Ruth?"

"The caretaker explained it."

"No, you know what I mean. I usually don't speak to loved ones that have died."


	2. Chapter 2

Jim stared at his love and waited for her to speak. It had been such a long time since that terrible day. A day he wished never to experience again. For she was like an angel to him. Now, untouched by ravages of aging. Her beauty beyond words.

"How can it be you? How can you possibly be here?"

Ruth looked at him and smiled.

"I am how you remembered me Jim darling. I am as real as you want me to be."

"But you died. So long ago." Jim replied softly.

"Why do you keep tormenting yourself? It wasn't your fault. You had to leave for space. I understood that. We were going to keep in touch. We would have."

"Yes, we would have, if it were not for that evening. Why didn't I drive you home?"

Ruth smiled and caressed his cheek. She then continued to walk around him picking up the flower that had fallen from his hand.

"I'll never forget the day when you gave me this. Strangely enough it wasn't even meant for me. What was the girls name it was for?"

"Carol." Jim replied smiling.

"Yes. That was it. You were so upset not having anything to give her on her birthday. You really owe a lot to your friend Gary for saving you that day. Very lucky that my store was still open."

"Yes, Gary was a true friend. I miss him."

"I didn't mean to bring up more sad memories."

"No of course you didn't. I still remember entering your flower shop, Flowers everywhere and amongst them all, you were hidden there. Your beauty far surpassed them. When I are eyes met, I couldn't explain what I was feeling."

"It was the same for me Jim darling. Carol, didn't like me much."

"Well, as I recall you were Gary's date for the evening since he had no one. He didn't mind too much I believe when I cut in."

Laughter was her response. He laughed with her and smiled.

"He knew that we were meant to be."

Sadness filled Jim's heart once again.

"Past tense. I wish things could have been different."

"Why do blame yourself Jim? Why do you not open your heart again?"

"It hurts too much. I can never, or would want to fall that hard again."

"But you have." replied Ruth giving the flower back to him.

"I don't know what you mean."

"He is your true love. Do not fear it. Accept it. He will find you."

"What you say makes no sense. I...don't have anyone else..in.."

"Don't be afraid my darling. Tell him what is in your heart."

Jim realizing that Ruth knows about Spock he answers her sadly.

"He...he can never love me that way Ruth. Never."

"Everything is possible here Jim. All you have to do is dream a little dream and he shall appear."

"But it's a lie Ruth. We can only be friends. Nothing more."

"I have to go. Remember, all is possible here. Goodbye, Jim darling."

She kissed him softly and left with flower once again.

Jim watched her go and then he heard footsteps moments later.

"Jim." Spock responded softly.

Jim closed his eyes and cursed himself for thinking of Spock. He knew Spock had beamed back on board. Now, he had a different Spock with him.

Jim thought of what Ruth had told him and decided to speak his heart. Perhaps he needed to say what he felt about his best friend. The caretaker had created them. What harm could it pose?

"Hello Spock. There is something I wish to speak to you about."


	3. Chapter 3

Jim stared at Spock, trying to compare him to the original and couldn't tell the difference. Just like Ruth, they had created something, that was beyond anything anyone could ever dream of.

There he stood, waiting politely to hear what I had to say. It felt strange, an uneasiness, but also a sense of relief. It needed to be said, like a form of therapy you would administer to someone who was troubled constantly by his thoughts. In this idyllic setting, one could say whatever you wished, gaining peace and understanding.

Silence had stretched out between them for the longest time and was broken by Spock's baritone voice.

"You wished to speak to me about something, Captain."

Lost in thought, he finally returned to the present and looked again at his dearest friend.

"Yes, I did. Mr. Spock. Care to walk with me, a bit?" Jim smiled and guided Spock in the direction of the beach up ahead.

"Very well, sir. May I ask a question though?"

"Of course, Spock what it it?" Jim asked curious about his first officer's question.

"Has the young lady you were with departed for the rest of your shore leave? You seem to be enjoying her presence."

"I am not sure if she will return, Spock. But there is something we need to discuss. And I can't put it off any longer. I just need to hear myself say it once and for all."

"Very well. What is it you wish to tell me?" Spock asked curiously.

Jim kept walking and Spock followed close behind.

"This isn't easy for me to say. I have been debating to do it for the longest time, you see. But, I decided to take Ruth's advice and go for it."

Spock's expression was one of puzzlement.

"You need not be afraid to speak your mind. You Humans seem to hide behind your fear. It tends to prevent you from achieving your goals in life."

"Yes, very true Mr. Spock. Very true. Okay, well here goes. Spock, I.."

"Yes, Jim?"

"I am in love with you." Jim spoke those words in a rush, relieved he had finally uttered them.

Spock's expression was one of surprise.

"Love is illogical, Captain." Spock replied cold.

Jim heart sank to his chest. This had not been a good idea.


	4. Chapter 4

The words he feared most, were uttered in a straightforward manner. He didn't expect a response so abrupt, to the point. Spock, was not someone who showed emotion outright. But, he was usually sensitive to other people's feelings when they were in pain. This was not the Spock he knew so well.

The tall charismatic alien from a far, had other ways of showing his feelings. His brow, raised, meant curiosity. His folded arms, meant lack of patience. His ramrod posture, was a sign of dignity.

The time he had spent on board the Enterprise with his friend had been one of joy. Someone to speak with after a shift, to play chess, to spar, to listen. So many things were Spock, and this person before him lacked personality and insight of how to be true to form.

It hadn't been completely a mistake to tell him how he felt. Of course, it wasn't easy, and the response he got was less than lukewarm. But, now he knew the truth. That friendship was all he could ever have, and that he had to accept it. But, James Kirk needed to hear more than love was illogical. He had to have an explanation to go with it.

"That is not a logical answer Mr. Spock." Jim spoke calmly.

"It is the only one that I can give you, sir." Spock replied in turn.

"I really expected more from you, Spock. Here, I am, relaying something to you that could change our future and this is all you can say to me? And to call me sir, besides that."

"You are upset I gather."

"Well, let's just say that I am bit saddened by your answer. Especially, when you are wrong Mr. Spock." Jim regained his composure and was not letting things go, without making Spock understand his point of view.

"I do not understand." Spock replied confused.

"Love, is never illogical. It may be hard to understand. Confusing at times, but surely not something you deem faulty, or irrational. Love is the most precious thing we Humans can give one another. I am sorry that you'll never let yourself feel that emotion. For it can transform one's soul, make them move mountains. Love is so very powerful. Never illogical." Jim spoke from his heart and it felt good, despite the sadness that he felt in himself.

"I may need further study on the subject." Spock answer was monotone. No color in his voice, no spark.

Jim sighed, and looked at the facsimile before him.

"I think it will do you some good. Maybe, you might think differently.:"

"Perhaps. Is my time here complete? I have a feeling that you wish me to leave." Spock spoke curiously.

"I don't think there is anything more to say. If you can't understand what love is, than I guess we are done. Goodbye, Mr. Spock." Jim replied sadly.

A plane overhead flew across the sky. Jim looked upward to see. It wasn't the same plane that fired upon them, Just one passing overhead. Perhaps, Jim had thought of the Enterprise, and the image of the plane appeared. As he looked back down to see his first officer, he was gone. Like he was never there.

"Well, I suppose it's better I find out this way, than making a fool of myself with the real Spock. If only you knew how wonderful it could be between us Spock. If only..."

Jim reached for his communicator and contacted the ship. He was going home.

Moments later, Jim was gone, and all that was left behind was a gust of wind, and silence to accompany it.

****

Spock's thoughts were of his Captain, his dear friend. He had hoped, for some time alone with him, but he didn't want to intrude the time spent with Jim's love from the past. Who was she? What did she mean to him? If only Jim knew how a particular Vulcan cared for him deeply. Walking along the glade he noticed someone leaning against a tree. As he began to approach the individual he noticed it was the Captain. But something was not right. The lady was no longer there, Jim's clothes were in perfect condition. Could this be truly Jim, or something he just imagined. He was going to find out.

"Jim." Spock replied curiously.

The Captain heard his voice and turned in the direction of the man who spoke it.

"Hello Mr. Spock. Is there something I can do for you?"

Spock decided that he couldn't continue living a lie.

"Actually, there is something I wish to tell you."


	5. Chapter 5

Spock had never felt the fear in himself as he did at this moment. To finally let his emotions known. To tell his dearest friend how he felt, was something he had wanted to do. But, it wasn't something simple to accomplish. There were so many things in Spock's life that came easy to him. He was a man of science. And things of that nature have always been easy to comprehend. Logic had always been applied, and the end result had its conclusion. There were always an answer if you worked hard to find it. But, love has no explanation. Emotions towards his Captain had been there from the moment he had looked in his direction. There had always been a feeling, the human part of him no doubt, that Jim felt the same way. But, he could never know for sure. For all he knew of his friend was his romantic liaisons was with women. It was time to ask the question that he had always feared, if James Kirk had feelings for himself as well.

The Captain of the Enterprise smiled that familiar smile in his friend's direction. Spock was lost in deep thought when Jim asked him a second time what he wanted.  
>"Is there something I can do for you, Mr. Spock? You, seem troubled. You, wanted to ask me something?"<p>

"I..yes. Forgive me Captain, for my lack of coherent words. I, wish to know something."

"By all means go ahead." Jim smiled again.

Spock looked at Jim, they were facing each other so intently. Spock noticed that Jim was all smiles, in fact, it never changed. It almost felt like he was mocking him, with that plastered look.

"It is not easy for me to speak of this. I have been debating for the longest time. But, I have decided that the direct approach is my only option. I need to say this, to get it off my chest as you Humans say."

"Of course Mr. Spock. Whatever you wish to say, I will listen." Jim smiled again.

"Since the moment you were given command of the Enterprise, I have never met anyone like you. You have always accepted me, and have never tried to change me in any way. I am grateful for the friendship you have shown me. But, on further reflection, this friendship I speak of has changed. I have become, more attached to your presence, and wish to know if you feel the same way. More attached, meaning not platonic. I wish more between us." Spock finally said it. Now, it was up to Jim.

It was a relief to say it. A huge load of his shoulders. Now, what of Jim's response to it.

Jim smiled and stared. His expression never changing, but his words did not reflect his mood.

"Are you trying to tell me that you have romantic feelings towards me?" Jim asked his smile still apparent.

Spock could feel the uneasiness in his belly. This was it. Spock knew that this was not the real Jim. The plastered smile on his face from the moment they met here was to bizarre. He needed an answer though. And he wasn't leaving without one.

"Yes. I have always..."

Laughter erupted behind that smile. And Spock had his answer. This had been a mistake.

"Mr. Spock. I am flattered. Really, I am. But, for as long as you have known me, have I ever brought back a man to my cabin. Have you ever seen me kiss a man. No, I am sorry, I have no feelings for you in that way." Jim replied his smile never waiving in the slightest.

"I have felt there were times that you, felt differently in my presence. Today, on the bridge, you wished me to massage the pain in your back."

"Because I was in pain. But, that pretty girl helped me out. So, your services were not needed. I did though had to put a stop to it. Don't want people thinking that the Captain has a secret masseuse on board. What would people think?" Jim smiled again.

"Of course. I understand." Spock replied sadly.

"You are a good friend Mr. Spock. The best. We make the perfect team. As for more than that. I am sorry. I just don't see myself with you in that way. No hard feelings?"

"No. I have made a mistake. I am sorry to have thought that we were more than just friends."

"Emotions are never easy to understand. Even myself, I question them sometimes. But, you will find that person for you one day."

Did Spock hear a different tone in his friends statement? For a moment it felt like the Jim he knew.

"Yes, perhaps, one day."

Jim smiled.

"I have the feeling that it is time for me to leave."

"I believe it is."

"Goodbye Mr. Spock. I will see you later perhaps."

"Perhaps."

Jim smiled and looked in his direction.

Spock had looked down for an instant not meeting his gaze and the moment he had looked up, the Captain had vanished.

Spock had his answer. He was not going question fate. This is how it was meant to be.

Jim would never be his.

Spock opened his communicator and signaled the ship to beam him aboard.

Nothing remained where he was once was, only a slight breeze, and an eerie silence.


	6. Chapter 6

James Kirk sighed as he stood in front of his door to his quarters. He stared at the name, written there and knew, that this was his quarters. But, for some reason, it didn't give him piece of mind. He truly didn't know where he wished to be tonight. He truly felt lost. He felt betrayed by someone that he thought understood him. Granted, it wasn't the real Spock, but, it was the logical way he spoke about things, and that made him believe it.

To say that love is illogical, made him cringe even now. It stabbed in the heart, when he said those words. No emotion in them.

Finally, James Kirk entered his room and sat on his small cold bunk. He felt cold, numb. How could he have been so wrong. But, he was glad though, that no harm was done to their friendship. He could breathe easier, knowing he hadn't destroyed it.

He laid his head down and stared at the ceiling. He wasn't looking at anything in particular, just stared, wanting to forget the whole ordeal. But, that was going to be far from simple.

He was also getting nervous. What would he feel, if he would see the real Spock this time.

****

Spock came upon his quarters and stared at the name in front of the door. Yes, this was his room. But, did he want to go there. What could he do there, to relieve himself of this human sadness. He felt it. There was no point in denying it. He felt sadness. A pulling of his heart. It was illogical, but it was there nonetheless. He had made a fool of himself. He had asked that question, he never thought he could. And, now he had finally his answer. The Captain, had no interest in him, that went beyond friendship.

The plastered smile, the laugh that came from that face, only made him lose more of his dignity. He had failed in ascertaining what he thought was mutual. And now, loneliness only seemed to reside here.

Spock entered his quarters, despite the heat in the room, he still felt cold. He wanted so much, to feel that friendship between them. That beautiful friendship that warmed his soul. But, it was going to be awkward.

Spock decided not to meditate, it would serve no purpose to him at the moment. He laid down on his cot, his read resting on the small pillow. His eyes stared upwards to the ceiling in his room. Rest was unattainable. He sighed and thought of Jim.

'You are my beacon, when I am lost, I only need to seek you out, through the fog, and darkness and I will find my way home. I love you, Jim.' Spock spoke those words softly to himself.

****

"What? Already? Do you have any idea how long it took to make this one. You'd think, it would have lasted a bit longer," the young man spoke to his friend.

"I know Armin, I know. The other one didn't last any longer either." The other man sighed.

"You'd think they would have taken advantage of the situation. Geez, what are pleasure planets coming to know nowadays?"

"How long are you going to be here, in your little office. I was thinking, getting a bite to eat."

"I have to power down the units. They seem to have something faulty I can't pinpoint. You know how I like to make them as perfect like the original as possible. Something is not right. They don't seem to want to shut down properly. Like, someone gave them a message to return later. I don't get it." Armin replied puzzled.

"Look, we have been on our feet all day. I don't know about you, but our shift is done. Let's get out of here. Okay." his friend responded smiling.

"You are too good for me, Shirid. What would I do without you?" Armin replied smiling back.

"You would miss me a lot. Now, come and get a bite with me. These two bots will wait til later."

"Damn, I want too. But, I don't want them running amok while we are gone. You remember the last time, I put another bot in the sleeping mode. He made a mess of the place."

"That was a faulty unit. These two look harmless. It is strange though. The way they keep staring. Like they are waiting for something."

"Creepy is more like it."

"Please, come and eat with me. Promise we will be back later."

"Fine. I just hope I don't regret it."

They left moments later. Leaving the two males by themselves.

Unbeknownst to the occupants who left, one of bots blinked. 


	7. Chapter 7

James Kirk got up from his bed. He just couldn't stop thinking about Spock. ~Maybe, I should let him know that I'm on board. He should be in his quarters. He's possibly working on some report or something. What would be the harm, to let him know?~

Jim stretched his long arms and headed to the fresher, did his business, and washed his hands and face. He was in front of the doors to his quarters when the doors parted, and Spock stood there.

"Spock. What are you doing here?" Jim asked surprised.

"I could ask the same of you, Captain. I thought you were still on Shore Leave. You seemed to enjoy your stay there." Spock spoke his eyebrows meaning the girl he left behind. Spock's brows could say so much.

"You mean, Ruth. Yes, it was pleasant enough. But, I needed to get back." Jim turned around, heading back into his quarters, the look of worry on his face. Spock entered but stayed close to the door. He really didn't want to discuss this with Spock. He wasn't ready. Or he wasn't prepared yet. Spock just caught him completely off guard.

"I called the bridge, I wanted to know about the ship's status. Lieutenant Uhura informed me that you had returned on board. Are you ill, Captain?" Spock asked curiously.

"No, just a little tired." Jim touched the bridge of his nose, feeling a headache coming on.

"Forgive me, sir. I shall leave you then." Spock turned around ready to leave.

"No, no don't go. Please stay. Where are my manners?"  
>He smiled, even though he didn't feel like smiling. He was upset, but this Spock didn't do anything. Why should he be angry with him. Perhaps, it was more disappointment.<p>

"I do not wish to disturb you, if you require rest. Perhaps, you should see Doctor McCoy."

"You forget, Bones in still down on the planet, and I am not going to bother him for this. Really, Spock I'm fine. Have a seat." Jim motioned Spock to sit down.

"I prefer to stand." Spock stood, his arms behind his back.

Jim's smile disappeared. Why did he do this? Why did he have to me so logical, why can' he just let go, once.

"Suit yourself." Jim replied not caring that his voice showed bitterness in those few words.

Spock did notice, and regretted his response.

"Jim, I wish to speak to you about something. If you will listen." Spock spoke his words warm.

"That's funny. So do I." Jim responded his words equally warm.

The room was filled with electricity. Could they both finally say what they felt for each other.


	8. Chapter 8

~He is so close, if I only I could touch him. I know that if his body would be pressed up against me, it would feel incredible. All that heat, surrounding me. Why? Why did I have to fall so hard for him.~

James Kirk snapped out of his fantasies and stepped into reality. It would never happen, never. The Spock down on that planet made it quite clear. And even though it wasn't the real Spock, James Kirk sincerely doubted he could be vastly different from the original. But, what did this Spock, in his room wanted to say? Jim could feel there was a softness in his voice. Whatever Spock wanted to say, it must surely be important. He gazed in those eyes that bore into him and waited for him to speak.

"Jim, I do not understand why your shore leave ended abruptly. May I ask why?"

"I already told you. It was fine for what it was. A trip down memory lane, but after awhile I need a bit of reality, not a facsimile. And there are other things, that I don't feel like discussing." Jim turned away for a moment, not sure what else to say.

"Why not? Why is it so difficult for you to face. You loved her did you not?" Spock asked curiously.

"I said, I don't want to talk about it. Now, when I say the subject is off limits, it is. Now, please, if you have something else to say, spit it out, If not, you may leave." Jim's anger rose, and he couldn't control it. Why was he so angry? Why was he so determined to hate Spock for asking about his past. Of course he knew. It opened an old wound, that he was trying to heal. And Spock was not helping one bit.

"I have upsetted you. But, you do not wish to tell me the reason. I believed that we were friends, Jim. Was I wrong? You loved her, did you not? Surely, the best of times."

"Enough. Get out. Please leave here at once," Jim was fuming. And seconds later he willed himself to stop. "Wait. I am sorry. It isn't your fault. I guess that workout with Finnegan, wore me out more than I realized. Must be getting old." Jim half smiled from his statement.

"That is why we have Shore Leave, Jim. A time for us to reflect and relax. Even myself, I need that time also."

"Yes, of course. It's just that my business with Ruth is personal. You wouldn't understand."

"Because I would not understand what love is? Is that your reasoning Jim?"

"You made up your mind down..."Jim's words betrayed him.

"I beg your pardon?"

"Never mind." Jim replied his voice filled with sadness.

"I cannot drop this. Jim, I did not beam up immediately, I stayed."

"Oh. What for? To speak with the caretaker?" Jim asked curiously as well.

"No, he had already left." Spock's voice was so tender.

"Than what did you do?"

"I declared my love for James Kirk. And he told me, he didn't love me in return."


	9. Chapter 9

Jim looked at Spock and felt for one moment, that he was telling the truth. But, it couldn't be. This wasn't real. It had to be a dream. Dammit, was that godforsaken planet following him even here. This had to

Jim smiled and looked at the Vulcan in front of him. Yes, that is what he was. It's all he'd ever wish to admit to anyone. Only stone-cold logic resided in that mind. How James Kirk could believe it could be any different. He was an utter fool to think that Spock could love him. An utter fool.

Jim clapped his hands, as if congratulating a fine performance.

"Well done, Mr. Spock. I must say you almost had me fooled. I really believed I was back on board the Enterprise. I didn't realize that this planet had such powers. That it could actually make me believe for one moment that you were telling the truth. Enough is enough, I want this farce to end." Jim was livid.

"Jim, I am telling you the truth. We are on the Enterprise. A Vulcan does not lie." Spock's voice pleaded with Jim.

"That's a crock and you know it. You lie Spock like the rest of us. Oh, you claim you don't, but you do. Like you're lying right now."

Spock tried to bridge the gap between them as Jim glared at him like a le-matya about to strike.

"Jim, please believe me. I speak the truth. This is not a dream. We are both on the Enterprise. We are no longer on that planet."

"I want to believe you. But, how can I trust anything you say?" Jim's intense glare changed to one of hope.

"Believe me, when I say I have become attached to you. That mere friendship we have always shared, is now not enough."

"Spock, down on that planet, that robot, or whatever it was that looked like you, told me that love was illogical. Do you truly believe those words? How can you be so different now? What am I supposed to believe? Who is telling the truth?"

"I am Jim. I speak the truth. I have fallen in love, with James Kirk. And I can no longer keep quiet. Do you feel the same?"

Jim needed time to think, and choose his words well. Spock gave him that moment.

"


End file.
